Shameu's+blog

Why does life suck?

It's been years since I last signed into this website. Probably nobody is going to read this but I'll write this anyway. Strange is it? How much we grew. How much we've learned. How much people can change. How much people can forget. You see, it was very hard for me to grow. To learn. To change. To forget. I grew in age, in height and (tmi) weight. But I couldn't grow mentally. I've learned words that I've never heard before like depression, anxiety, and learned that the voices in my head aren't real. I've learn to change my style like wearing black all the time. But I couldn't change how I felt deep down inside. I forgot so many things like my schedule for school, forgetting my own phone number or forgetting to put on socks in the morning. But I couldn't forget what happen to me and how deeply it hurt me. Let's start from the beginning. If I could remember it. 1st day of school, 6th grade. I was so happy because of the fact that was the last year that I was stuck in that hell hole. I set a goal to get to know some people. Make new friends and become social. I guess it worked out somewhat well cause I did meet new people and I felt like I was going to make new friends. Fast forward to a few months later and things are not looking as bright. I didn't really connect with anyone in my class. I felt like the outcast. The Loner. The Weirdo. I felt like they were all staring at me like I was a freak. Wondering what move would I make next. So, as a person who was afraid, scared to say something. I moved myself away. Away from people. Away from the old me. I became scared of what the next day so I stayed home, for a while. I missed many days of school. Missed so many days of school that I had to go court cause I missed so many days of school. But I won't get into that. I missed so many days of school that I had to give my teacher my number just to make me go to school. Everything we had a talk about